Chapter 10: "This won't kill me", my burnout story

Update: Is Abeego closing? TBD. Read my update here.

Burnout has a unique way of blowing out your creative light. It leaves you void of new ideas, pushes you into the abyss of fear and leaves you feeling like even the smallest risk is a matter of life or death. 

Burnout left me  questioning if I’m a one hit wonder, a single invention inventor. But my rational mind knew it couldn’t be true because there was a time where I had an idea per minute, where risk wasn’t risk, it was opportunity. I remembered being that person but I couldn’t reach her anymore. 

Everyone warns you about chronic stress. I experienced it on two ends of the spectrum before it destroyed me. First when Abeego was growing at a lightning pace and then as it withered and wilted in spite of everything I tried. Even though everyone warns you about chronic stress, it happens bit by bit, hit by hit, cut by cut. It’s slow and steady so when you hit the bottom you don’t even know it. 

Chronic stress got the best of me and the biggest risk I could muster was to walk into icy cold water in the middle of winter.

I started cold dipping in January of 2023 when the water was as icy as it gets on the West Coast. I decided to cold dip to retrain my brain to be brave enough to take a risk again. For 10 seconds (now 12 minutes!) at a time I would battle the voice in my head telling me I would die if I didn’t immediately exit the water. I’d struggle to calm my breathing and repeat; 

“This won’t kill me.” 
“I can do hard things and it won’t kill me.” 
“I can take risks and they won’t kill me.”

I’d repeat these phrases over and over to drown the voice in my head screaming, “Danger! RUN!!” And over time it’s gotten quieter, not gone, but quiet.

The first new product we created in a real long time was the Mini Campfire. It was a product I’d describe as low hanging fruit. It’s seemingly unremarkable really but to me it’s revolutionary. 

The Mini Campfire was low risk and high reward. On the darkest mornings, when the water was icy, it gently reminded me of who I was, of who I could become. It was a bright light on the darkest path.

If you’re suffering from burnout too I feel you and encourage you to copy me! Find one thing that is easy to do, feels very risky but is inherently safe and do it religiously. It has a special way of healing you.

Toni Desrosiers
Founder & Inventor